Over the weekend I made some further progress on the practical section of my Cert III, attending a Body Attack class and a Body Balance class and got the instructors to sign off on my attendance/observance. Body Attack was REALLY not my thing. A lot of jumping around and confusing moves and blaring music that meant the only thing I could hear from the instructor was her saying "WOO" every few seconds. Still, it's done and I won't have to do it again. Body Balance was better. I've been to it before of my own volition and it does have aspects that I like, but there are still annoyances. I've tried to be fair to it but to really take to it there would have to be changes. Less music, more focus on physical challenges, no more of the breathing stuff at the end, and most of all, no more annoying/affirming/pretentious yoga jargon. The guy told us to "open up like a mango." I have no idea what he meant. If you tell me what to do with my body, I will do my best to do it. If you speak in euphemisms and ask me to "gather my energy from the floor" I am going to want to punch someone.
Arrangements are being made to observe a number of sessions with a trainer at my gym. In the meantime I am doing more heavy weights that gave me a pretty good tired today, and for the first time I actually kept track of my heart rate in the hopes of maintaining it in a target of 70-80% of the maximum. I'll have to do this for credit later on and this strategy may come in handy in the future, so I reckon I might as well get used to it. For my own purposes, however, I would rather just run. I've also been doing tire and rope circuits and random mini-workouts at home. This may be a time of getting in much better shape if things keep going this way.
A call came in today from the agency that forgot about me. They have marketed me to a couple of clients with jobs going. More importantly, they are taking me seriously.
And in sad (or maybe it's not sad) news, JAQ has apparently been diagnosed with Stage III Ovarian Cancer. I have friends for whom the death of friends and family is a regular issue. It's very foreign to me. This is the first time for a long time I have had to contemplate the prospect that someone close to me might die. Apparently she is going to wear the Convicts t-shirt I gave her to chemo to absorb some Convict strength. So far she seems to be taking an aggressive stance, vowing to kick cancer in its cancerous balls or something similar.
There's not been much change on the gloom front. It did strike me recently that once upon a time I was reluctant to accept the prospect that I might have depression. Now I hope I have it. If I am actually clinically depressed, then that explains a lot of things. If I'm not, then I would have to face up to the possibility that I am just a horrible/petty/unpleasant person.
The thought that I had some time ago about not being suitable for relationships has come back. It's certainly not self pity this time, and it's not quite like the time a while back when I felt as though I had nothing to offer, it's just a fact. I have no business being involved with anyone right now.