luckycanuck | Malaise is all around

My career malaise seems to have made friends with the career malaise of others.

Helga came home last night and immediately asked if I could make a cup of tea (with a laugh that this is one of my core duties in the house.) She has been having frustrations with the culture at her workplace that I won't go into. There was the sense that working where she is is running down her impression of the kind of work she is capable of doing. I feel the same way. Everyone I talk to seems to think I am more qualified than I think I am. Over the last two months, I have more and more been feeling as though I will eventually be unmasked as a huge fraud who isn't good at anything and who is monumentally lazy. This also dulls my inclination to look for other work, because lets be frank, what else can I possibly do.

This afternoon

bakerypenguin posted about her own career frustrations. Again, there was a lot of overlap with the frustrations that Helga and I are experiencing. Everyone seems to be consumed with the sense that we have no actual skills and are thus disinclined to reach any higher.

Today there was a lecture from W (not nasty, and I probably should have known it was coming) about the importance of responding to everyone who contacts us, even if we have responded on the same issue earlier. Additionally, one of our other advisors is leaving and his position has been advertised. I've already done a few parts of his job and I suspect that I could do it, but I'm not going to apply. It would mean more money and probably more clarity in terms of my role, but I don't want his job. I am not really interested in learning the intricacies of his portfolio and the frustrations (again with those bloody awful letters) that led to him walking aroud in a black mood for most of December. Not even if it meant a 40-50% pay rise. (Part of me also thinks there would be less space for me to hide from work, and I think I hav ebeen hiding given the amount of actual productive work I can point to over the last two months.

Of course, not all of my friends are in despair over their work situations. A girl (MYC) whom I knew in high school and came across (I think on Facebook) has really been living the dream. In fact, she has devoted a whole blog to the subject. She's now living in New York and producing a play and both she and a number of people around her are doing what they love and pursuing their dreams.

The problem for me, is that I'm not sure if I have one. I don't think I have dreams anymore.

I have in the past. I've been fascinated by politics form a young age. At 5 I told my mum that I wanted to be Prime Minister. At 16 I was actively trying to make it happen. I decided against that specific career path but stayed in the field, working in politics on three continents. This used to be my dream, and given the fascination some of my friends still have for politics, it still is for them. But I just can't be bothered. I'm tired of the voters, of reading the papers, of managing relationships with legions of people I don't really like, of hearing people's opinions, of the media.

But I also have absolutely no idea what else I might like to do. Some people remain in toxic careers that make them miserable because they are chasing what some marketing wanker is telling them they want. I'm not staying in this job because I am locked into an expensive life. I've got no debt, no obligations, no major expenses keeping me living in fear, but I've also got no idea what else I might like to do. At the moment, every option looks negative. That's not just career wise. It has now spread into most aspects of my life. Staying in my current job, taking another one, changing careers entirely, starting a business, staying single, getting involved, buying a house, having kids, staying in Australia, moving back to Canada or America or anywhere else, all I see is negatives. So I wind up staying put and collecting my pay every two weeks.

Unlike one of MYC's friends, I can't go off and become a photographer, because I suck at photography (also I don't epecially like it.) I can, however, keep my head down and slog away at this job, which pays not a princely salary but more than I need to live on and allows me to keep throwing money on the pile. At the moment I feel like I can be annoyed, or I can be annoyed and get paid.

Ok. Now the good news.

I've contacted a counselling service contracted by work. I have my first appointment on Tuesday afternoon. I reckon because work played a large part in getting me all angsty, I can let them get me started on the turn around.

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I hope you find some answers and can get a path with which you will be satisfied.

Hubbs works in Ammo and though he utterly hated all the back-busting hard labor, when they moved him into an office to train he started feeling useless and unsatisfied. He's just bored with it. Maybe you're just bored with your job? Maybe you'd be happier as a physical trainer? :3 I'd hire you as a PT. Fo' sho'!

A few people have suggested that. I'm not sure I wouldn't get annoyed at people who didn't take their workouts seriously though. I've run with friends and they love it but I find myself wanting to go faster and frustrated that they are reluctant to sweat.

Fair enough, but if you're a personal trainer then you could run your charges ragged since that's what you're paid to do. Personal trainers don't let their clients slack off.

You may be right, though. You'll probably get frustrated with the whiny bitchiness of people who don't wan to work hard.

I hope things went well with the counselling. If it didn't - try another! It's best to talk out the issues.

It hasn't happened yet. It's next Tuesday. I'm not sure yet how it will go or how I feel about it.

If you’ve been unemployed for a while, you probably know how mind-numbing unemployment can be. Instead of just waiting around for the “perfect” job opportunity, you should just take a job that will get you by. A flexible part-time job means that you have the opportunity to check out new full-time jobs as they come up, but it also means you have something to stay busy and pay the bills. Delivering pizzas, mowing lawns, or walking dogs – none of these is beneath you. As long as you’re working to put food on the table and a roof overhead, you can be proud of your accomplishments.

Learn more:

employment tips (http://employmentgenius.com/)

Super impressed you're taking steps to figure out what's going on. Your interior life will surely give some clues as to what will fulfill you in the future.

It's a big step to see someone about this. For a long time I had attached a stigma to depression and I guess I still do. Something along the lines of "I can't be depressed. Depressed people are all whingy and pathetic types whom I want nothing to do with."

HA, I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that perspective at all. Nope. Haven't considered psychologists to be irritating quacks most of my life before meeting a really good one, nooope.

You do have to shop around, but when you click with someone, it's really worth it.

I've seen people who have helped tremendously (and those who have not helped at all) - and I was tremendously lucky in the sense that the first person I saw was the best. The other thing to remember is that things take time, so don't worry if it feels like the first session is something of a waste of time. Take some tissues (or maybe you won't need them; he asked me what was wrong, I said "nothing" and then burst into tears) and don't be surprised if you feel quite tired and/or wrung out for a while afterwards.

Great first step; well done.

I'm not expecting this to fix everything, but it is a start.

And I can't see there being any bursting into anything. Not with someone I don't know at all.

Good luck!

Malaise is all around

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