Detachment
Jan. 28th, 2011 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
luckycanuckI've been feeling detached from work recently. Basically, it's my job to take an interest in what people think. The problem is, I don't care. Whatever your problem or idea or opinion, if you write into us, I will resent you for disturbing my day. Of course this always applied to the timewasters, but I've come to feel the same way about the members of the public who contact us with a good reason.
It seems that my sense of detachment is now spreading. The conversations held by friends or work colleagues on subjects like wine or the housing market or $500 sunglasses worn by people who don't run because if they did they might break a sweat are of markedly less interest. Tennis is taking over the sports coverage. We had an Australia Day BBQ with a bunch of people over, few of whom I could be bothered spending time with. I almost told a guy at the gym to f*ck off yesterday when he commented on my form whilst doing pullups. My parents arrived this morning from Canada, and though I'm going up this afternoon to visit them, it's almost as though I can't be asked. The thought of doing something that inconveniences me in the slightest is repellent.
There is the prospect that I am becoming bitter about life in general. There is also the prospect that I am just in a profoundly selfish mode right now. I've really got very little to complain about. I have a good job that pays me more than I need to live on, I'm healthy, I have things that interest me. But the list of things that I can be counted on to take an interest in seems to be shrinking. Going to the gym is generally fine because I can focus on my work and shut out everything else with sweat and endorphins. Being at home is fine because I like the people I live with. Being around people I already know and who know me is fine because they understand what I'm like. There is, however, a growing sense of annoyance at other people, even if they're not doing anything wrong.
Part of it is probably compassion fatigue. If I hear one more appeal to make a donation to the people in Queensland who have lost property in the recent floods I think I might just go there with a garden hose and try to recreate the catastrophe. I am tired of hearing about other people's problems and of being expected to do something to fix them.
But my default reaction to a lot of things seem to be becoming "I dont care". Changing jobs to something that doesn't require me to interact with insane and annoying people won't be enough if the sense of malaise goes deeper.
It seems that my sense of detachment is now spreading. The conversations held by friends or work colleagues on subjects like wine or the housing market or $500 sunglasses worn by people who don't run because if they did they might break a sweat are of markedly less interest. Tennis is taking over the sports coverage. We had an Australia Day BBQ with a bunch of people over, few of whom I could be bothered spending time with. I almost told a guy at the gym to f*ck off yesterday when he commented on my form whilst doing pullups. My parents arrived this morning from Canada, and though I'm going up this afternoon to visit them, it's almost as though I can't be asked. The thought of doing something that inconveniences me in the slightest is repellent.
There is the prospect that I am becoming bitter about life in general. There is also the prospect that I am just in a profoundly selfish mode right now. I've really got very little to complain about. I have a good job that pays me more than I need to live on, I'm healthy, I have things that interest me. But the list of things that I can be counted on to take an interest in seems to be shrinking. Going to the gym is generally fine because I can focus on my work and shut out everything else with sweat and endorphins. Being at home is fine because I like the people I live with. Being around people I already know and who know me is fine because they understand what I'm like. There is, however, a growing sense of annoyance at other people, even if they're not doing anything wrong.
Part of it is probably compassion fatigue. If I hear one more appeal to make a donation to the people in Queensland who have lost property in the recent floods I think I might just go there with a garden hose and try to recreate the catastrophe. I am tired of hearing about other people's problems and of being expected to do something to fix them.
But my default reaction to a lot of things seem to be becoming "I dont care". Changing jobs to something that doesn't require me to interact with insane and annoying people won't be enough if the sense of malaise goes deeper.
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 11:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 05:31 pm (UTC)The next step is a good ass-whuppin. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-01-29 02:10 am (UTC)Mitzi thinks ...
Date: 2011-01-29 03:06 am (UTC)Re: Mitzi thinks ...
Date: 2011-01-29 06:25 am (UTC)Heather
Date: 2011-01-29 11:27 pm (UTC)Re: Heather
Date: 2011-01-31 03:30 am (UTC)