luckycanuck

So here goes with Dreamwidth.  Lets see how it work.

My Monday training session went well.  I introduced five girls to Tabata, and one of them nearly spewed.  Nearly I said.  All of them will be back.

I am getting into training, and I feel like I am doing better at it than I did at politics.  Still, there is this sense in my head that it's not a real job.  I've been struggling with unloading old assumptions about how my life would turn out on a professional and a personal level.  It's slow going.  I spent so many years working to a script that it's hard to walk away from it.  I feel like the disconnect between the script and reality is stoking the gloom, and it's not easy to just ignore the assumptions that were present for so long.

Last night there was a function at Parliament for a former employer who is leaving, and I felt in my element again.  I like being there and felt like I could do a job in that area again.  Of course, last winter I was having panic attacks at work.

In the meantime the public service "conspiracy" against hiring me continues.  Fine.  I managed to sell some options in VMG today for a 40% profit in two weeks (and the ones I held on to are still going up) so I am still sufficiently cashed up to live and to take advantage of potential bargains like AKK.  I am also planning a possible exit from BBG if another takeover offer comes around, which is looking like a distinct possibility.  I'm getting better at selling.  Not having a regular salary will do that.

I'm making an effort not to take over the common areas of the house.  I think it has been imposing on the others who live here and I don't want to do that.  I think a better environment currently exists.

Finally, I will have a regular weekly trivia night at the Charlie Black Bar in Manuka starting on 19 March.  It looks like a pretty upmarket venue, and it looks like I may have a lot of friends around for my first night.

I picked up something to wear to the gym on my way back to Canberra.



It's a 20kg weight vest and I've used it a couple of times.  I have full range of motion and can work it into virtually any workout.  I think it will be a regular fixture now.  And I got $10 off the quoted price, which was lower than expected anyway.

On the same day I led my first training session for a group of former colleagues at Parliament.  It came very naturally to me.  There was rain, but everyone stuck it out until it became too slippery.  Everyone enjoyed it, and they will be back with others who have expressed an interest.  There may be training during the non sitting weeks and in the mornings too.  So that's good news.

This was, in a manner of speaking, the first "work" I have done in a while.  I've been keeping busy, but leading that session was the first time I've done paid work since I left Parliament.

Recently the market has done very well for me.  VMG is now being appreciated by the market, I managed to sell SNL for a profit, AKK has been very active and there is a strong possibility that it will see a lot of upside soon, and BBG got a takeover offer and put to rest a lot of fears people had about it on the day after I bought more of it, which resulted in a 50% rise in one day.

Some people have suggested that I should trade for a living.  I can't.  Things have been very good now, I don't have the expenses that a lot of other people have, and if things go well I could stand to have a lot of flexibility, but that doesn't mean this is what I do.  Things could collapse again, and even if they don't I still don't expect a sense of purpose from the market.

I haven't, however, had much frustration with slow responses from the public service.  I applied to the temporary employment register of about half a dozen departments.  Not hearing anything back from anyone hasn't fazed me.

Everything is fine, I guess, but there is still a looming sense of numbness.

There was also a disturbing dream.  I dreamed I was attending my first bushfire, and it came close to a property which we decided to defend.  It turns out that the property owner was involved in producing illegal drugs, and when we approached his stash to set up a defensive line, he came out with a gun and shot at us and nicked me slightly.  We retreated to the far side of the truck and he followed, and when he came around the corner I swung at him with an axe and dropped him.  Later on I was charged with assault and the rural fire service cut me loose.  I woke up with no inclination to help people in need. 

The other day I saw a guy pushing a car in the city, trying to build up enough speed for his friend to get it started.  I rushed in and joined in and quickly we had them on their way.  But that wasn't really for him.  I did that for me.

I was in Parliament this past week, and CoS mentioned that one of the departments that interviewed me for a job contacted him for a reference and that they were quite keen to hire me.  Unfortunately, they were hit with a hiring freeze.  That's good news, because it smashes the sense of pointlessness I had after being knocked back from other public service jobs for ridiculous reasons.  I had an interview on Friday and now I am registered with another agency who impressed me with the degree of interest they took in me.

I've also put the word out to a number of old work colleagues, and there is growing interest in the idea of me training people at my old office.  I've got new business cards for Molon Labe Fitness and I may be having my first session the week after next.

There is also another looming job prospect that I had never considered before.  It wouldn't be a full time job and it wouldn't be a career, but it would be right up my alley.  It would be hosting trivia.  I don't know why this never struck me before.  I could have been doing this for months.  There will be a tryout on Tuesday where I will be reading questions 11-15 at a local trivia night, and once I am approved, there will be opportunities to fill in here and there.

The market has had some good news recently.  It's been down this week overall, but for me it has been up.  VMG is finally back up to it's capital raising level and the options I picked up are up too with probably plenty more to go.  AUT finally stopped it's recent decline and buyers are coming back in.  SNL, which I have been quite happy with as it has been very steady, jumped enough for my sell order to be taken up.  It's a great stock and I have another order in to buy some of it back if it falls again, but it is a very thinly traded stock and I was uneasy having as much as I had locked up in a stock that sometimes goes a week or two without a single trade.

I'm getting closer to qualifying as a fire fighter.  This week we played with fire extinguishers and practiced emergency burnover procedures.

My parents came down to Canberra and a couple of dinners were had, but aside from that and a tour of Parliament I didn't see them.  I'll be going up to Sydney on Thursday before they leave on Saturday.  I have no idea what to get my nieces for (delayed) Christmas.  Apparently they are both in a girly phase.  There's virtually nothing I know about girly girls aged 8 and 6.

Overall, it's been a good week.  Still a bit numb though.

( Cut for pics )


Since then I've been doing a lot of studying for my training qualifications, watching the Boxing Day Test (which was an outstanding back and forth affair that was finely balanced and could have gone either way until very late) visiting the beach, and having very little personal contact.  That's suiting me fine this time.  There is no feeling of isolation, in part because I have plenty on the horizon.

Is what happened on Saturday night.

I was at a get together in an atmosphere that I would normally enjoy, and it started off fine but in short order I found myself feeling out of sorts and tired.  I suspect a substantial part of it was coming down from the high of accomplishment surrounding my recent pushup challenge.

For much of Sunday I was wistful and indecisive.  It didn't help that we had visitors around taking up common areas.  I was happy to have them there, but I did feel kind of hemmed in.  By the end of the day I was dressed to run to the gym, but I couldn't actually make the decision to go.  I just found myself pacing around.  Eventually I did go and got a concentrated 10 cal row, 10 pullup, 10 situp AMRAP workout done in 15 minutes.  Then I ran home.

Getting exercise helped, as it always does.  I was struck by the thought that I can't exercise constantly.  I can do pushups and feel like a champion and hear how inspiring I am, but then that goes away and nothing inside me has changed.  I still have to face the same problems.  The sense of not fitting anywhere and having no purpose returns every time.  Maybe that is just going to keep happening and I need to learn how to deal with it.

Today I got my proper fire gear including boots, so I can return the second hand stuff they loaned me (after doing one more in gear workout.)  I also did some shopping and came away with two near identical pairs of shoes as part of a buy one get one free deal.  Also after some inexplicable falls on a very good day last week, today was a good day on the market.  ERA and CCV surged over 10% and may go further.

Tomorrow we will have a house dinner now that Surveyor (named for her occupation) has moved in and is getting settled.  There is some new furniture in the house too.

TW: Around the block with Bulgarian sandbag, 8 tire flips, 50 slegehammers - 3 rounds. 29:45.

I had my first day of Rural Fire Brigade training on Wednesday and came home with temporary firefighting gear that will do until I can get properly fitted gear.



There was also a presentation on grass fires and tactics that go with fighting them.  Keep one foot in the black we were told, so if there is a sudden change in wind direction you won't get caught between a fast moving grass fire and unburnt fuel.  Also, wear your gear.  All of your gear, all of the time.  There was a video recounting the story of an Oklahoma firey who went too fast towards a fire, trying to get on top of it before it could spread.  He wasn't wearing all his gear and he got into a bad position by trapping himself on the fire side of a barbed wire fence between the flank of the fire and heaps of dry grass.  When the wind changed, he was caught between the fire and the fence, and without his gear he was burned badly enough that he died the next day.

So yesterday I did a workout whilst wearing my gear, including my helmet.

YW: Row 400m, run 400m, 20 kettlebell swings, 2 flights of stairs farmers walk w 15 kg in each hand, 10 burpees - 5 rounds.  I call it "Fired Up."  I got some funny and occasionally disapproving looks from people, but then I thought "would you rather I DIDN'T do this?"

My studies are going fine, and I'm most of the way through the Cert III textbook.  This part of my qualification shouldn't take long.

NBS, after languishing for ages, has now gotten a sort of takeover offer.  They aren't proposing to buy up the company's stock.  They want to buy all the assets and then a dividend can be paid to shareholders.  With this, I'm out.  I've been trying to get out, but with the stock price jumping 25% today I will be able to get more for my shares than I would have if I hadn't cancelled an order five minutes before the market opened this morning.  I don't trust management not to screw up the sale or to pay the shareholders the proceeds.  I would trust them to burn up the cash on themselves, however.  Luckily, I have held the shares long enough to vote against the directors up for election and their pay increases.

VMG now has options on the market, and in addition to the ones I was granted, I bought more.  An announcement of the terms of sale of a subsidiary is imminent, and it should mean a large cash infusion for the company.  This should be reflected in an increased share price, and a magnified increase in option price given the lower price compared to the shares.  I'll sell these after that announcement comes through or when the share price recovers and circumstances are advantageous.

Off to an ordination tomorrow for Renaissance Priest.  Also Ginger Harpist is leaving.  I don't like the atmosphere around her now that her guy is living here, but they move out tomorrow and the kettle will remain plugged in.  Our household BBQ is going ahead, technically, but only Roxy and Esky have people coming.  With the ordination in Goulburn and another party that a number of friends are already committed to, I thought I would have a better time elsewhere.  There will be another party, perhaps on Australia Day like earlier this year, in the new year once the new arrivals are settled.

I did some media preparation for Black Dog Pushups in Canberra, which will likely be done next week provided I am fit.  I won't do as many as in Sydney, but I will still do a lot.  I will be contacting local TV, radio, and newspapers ahead of time, and Tweeting the day before to a number of politicians and sports teams in the hopes of getting it to go viral.  I also received my Black Dog Pushups business cards (and consulting business cards, but BDP is more interesting in the short term.)

I was also asked at a former work function on Wednesday night if I would be interested in offering group training sessions during sitting weeks in the morning or in the evening.  These former colleagues, passing the hat around, could be my first clients.

There are now four jobs that I am being put forward for.  I rang the agency that set me up with the two "you're too political" job interviews and mentioned how much this bothered me.  In a round about way, I asked if there was any point in looking for any public service jobs.  I probably will (this is Canberra) but my estimation of the institution is low right now.

Also, running is fun.  Running in the rain is more fun.  Running in the rain when you cannot possibly get any more wet is awesome fun.

My tire arrived.

It needed some cleaning and it still needs some more, but that didn't stop me from having my inaugural workout with it on Saturday morning.

SatW: 5 rounds - 4 tire flips, 20 tire jumps, 4 tire flips, 50 sledgehammers - 20:08

It's a heavier tire (I can't quite figure out how much it actually weighs) than the one at the gym and flipping it isn't easy, especially given the shape.  There is very little clearance underneath it and it's not easy to get a grip on it.  Getting work gloves might help with getting my fingers between the rubber and the ground.

Still, it's a great workout tool.



When I start training people I may have to help them with flips.

Later I had a further leg workout at the gym with a focus on maintaining excellent form (having my feet wider really helped with overhear squats and thrusters), and had another solid workout on Sunday focusing on arms and back which I did slowly after a run to and from the gym.

TW: 3 rounds - Run around the block with the sandbag, 10 jumps in then out of Otani, 20 slosh pipe lunges, 20 slosh pipe squats - 29:13

So I've had some good workouts and am continuing to get new ideas.

I visited the motherf*cking bank like the motherf*cking adult and decided not to open a business bank account as I don't think it will be necessary just now.  I did wind up with an ABN (which was easier to get than I expected) and didn't register for GST because the potential benefits in claiming input credits are fairly minor and it would increase my costs.  I also set up an e-mail for my business and am updating my CV to reflect the fact that I am now consulting (even though I've not actually done any concrete work yet.)

My VMG stock is back trading again and is lower than I thought it would be but I will hold on to it.  AUT has rebounded nicely but ERA has dropped on account of a capital raising.  I'm taking a bit from my margin loan top participate in it.  It's a risky strategy but I am not emotionally committed to it.  It is just currently trading at a higher price than the capital raising price and I might as well get in rather than allow my holding to be diluted.  I'm trying to get out of NBS at a reasonable price.

I also plan to vote against the board of BOW, NBS, and CCV at my first opportunity.  I am not happy with how these companies are being run and in these cases I have no qualms about trying to fire my employees and voting against the remuneration they have set for themselves.

I wound up going to a Q&A session featuring six American political types from both parties on Wednesday night.  It was kind of like networking, though not exactly, but ti did make me feel busy and important again.  It was one of the rare occasions over the last couple of months when I have worn a suit.  Some of them liked my pushup ideas and said to get in touch with them regarding election experience opportunities next year.

TW: 10 rounds - 20 situps, 5 100kg deadlifts. 10 rounds - row 200m, 10 situps.  I also did 10 handstand pushups, for which I had to ask for help with balance.  The pushups themselves were fine, but I do need help with balance and I will keep practicing them.

The market seems to be ok but there is still the chance for major falls if people get spooked again.  I am mostly in, but I am looking to get out of a few stocks like Nexbis which has long frustrated me and has not responded to my requests for further information like VDM Group did.  I'm considering tipping a bit more into their capital raising now that it has been extended and sweetened with one option for every two stocks held after the raising.  There is another capital raising for ERA that I will likely participate in.  I usually like capital raisings.  Some people complain about diluting the stock, but that only happens if you don't participate.

The house has been pretty quiet with people away.  It's just been Roxy and I for the last couple weeks, but now Esky is back.  Ginger Harpist is still in France, but I am getting photos from Facebook.

I'm feeling a bit better, having been busy.  The gloom isn't quite as intense as it was during recent lows.  I plan to go back to therapy next week.

Off to Sydney tomorrow for the weekend.  I have successfully learned Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau in Welsh and I am all set to sing on Saturday.

It has been an active few days.

Plenty of workouts, including one where I surprised myself by cleaning more than my bodyweight.  I failed at my first attempt but made the second and felt very proud of myself.  I've also had lots of fun with the tire at Deakin (which belongs to a trainer who has no objections to me using it if he's not around.)
( Pics )

So I've had plenty of physical fun.  I took Coffee Snob through a workout I devised for her, and she said to me "you make me work harder than I want to, but I have to work out harder than I want to."  Praise indeed.

I also went to a harp concert featuring Ginger Harpist.

( Pics )

Because I'm all cultured like that.  She learned me a few things about the harp the next day.

I had a job interview that went very well.  It would be doing media work in the Department of Health and it would be one step removed from the Minister's office.  There was a little bit of concern about my partisan past, but I'm professional enough to be able to put my personal feelings about the Minister aside (I don't like her at all) and do the job.  It would be a three month job, possibly longer, and it sounds quite interesting.  Oh yes, and the first question they asked was about wife carrying, which I mention on my resume.

I've also traded a bit.  Generally I keep an eye on the market for the first half hour and the last ten minutes or so in addition to checking in periodically during the day, rather than watching like a hawk all the time. I can still pay attention without letting it get in the way of everything else.

I'm up in Sydney now, but I forgot to bring appropriate clothes for looking for work so I may have to pick something up before heading into the city today talk to a couple of agencies.  I've also got a funeral to go to.  The team doctor for the Convicts and partner of one of our players died and it would be good to go.

Last night I had a beer with an ex-girlfriend.  With Jem, things were often tumultuous.  I really loved her and I still do (though I didn't say it this time.)  I hadn't seen her in quite a while but we had a good chat.  I told her about me being depressed, and her reaction was "isn't is great?"  I may have been told at some point, but somehow it never struck me that she had been struggling with depression since before we met.  That might explain some of the difficulty we had, especially when you add in the stresses and aspieness that I brought to the table.  What we had was wonderful at times, but it was also exhausting at times.  Part of me that still remembers the good things between up still wishes we could have it back, but we can't.

Tonight I'm having a beer with another ex-girlfriend.  It's lucky for me that I get along with exes.  The only one about which I have any negative memories is Ma Cherie Zoologiste (and I'm not sure she was actually a girlfriend.)

So the last few days have been pretty good actually, given that I've kept myself busy.